The Birds Are Protestant
by Kurt Fearella
Summary: Sebastian seems to have lost his mind. It's really hard to explain this in 300 characters, so just read the authors note inside. Review?


A/N: If anybody here has read Dealbreaker! another fanfiction by me, you should know what to expect. If not, I will give you an intro into the way I work.

I write for me. And some of my stuff only makes sense to me. Which is a fail.

This fanfiction was inspired by someone on the website Pandora. Their name is _None of your concern. _and all they do is comment on a bunch of songs. What do they say? The say, _The birds are Protestant._

Which makes no sense at all. Their name is _None of your concern_, their school is _Even less of your concern than my full name_, and their employer is _No_.

They also said,_If the birds were Catholic, they wouldn't be Protestant. Therefore, the birds must be Protestant and not Catholic._

They refuse to explain what they mean. Hence this fanfiction.**  
**

Just Google The birds are Protestant and you'll see for yourself.

Also, my friends and I are fails, and we are obsessed with _None of your concern._

If you managed to understand all of that, wow, I love you._  
_

Also, I apologize in advance because we stayed up way too late last night, and I just wrote all of this and I'm not going to edit it. So...fail.

* * *

It was a nice day. The sun was shining, the flowers were glaring, their beady seed-eyes glinting in the rays of the sun. The breeze carried a fruity scent, and Lima felt like paradise.

Kurt Hummel was sitting on a park bench. It was an old, rusty thing, with crusty nails poking from the sides and the slightly mushy wood was a little gross, but it was peaceful. Tranquil. A robin swooped down on the ground, trotting on the lush grass.

He thought he was alone.

He was wrong.

The robin's head snapped up in alarm. With a screech, it took to the skies, and then it was gone.

Kurt heard soft footsteps and turned around. He groaned. Today had been such a great day, and now it was ruined.

"Sebastian." Kurt acknowledged warily. He wasn't quite sure where they stood now. He had apologized to Blaine and raised money for the Born This Way foundation, which was fantastic and admirable, but it was still Sebastian, one of the few people who could make Kurt feel insecure. Worthless.

Sebastian smirked at him, striding forward until he was directly in front of him . His shadow fell across Kurt's face.

"What are you doing here?" Kurt snapped. Sebastian's multiple personalities were giving him whiplash. Or at the very least, frown lines.

"Not of your concern." Sebastian said smoothly, staring down at him. His arms were crossed.

Kurt was so confused. "Well, if you're going to stand there and look down evilly at me, shouldn't you at least tell me why you have no life whatsoever, so you have to what-_stalk_ me to pass the time?"

"Even less of your concern than my real name."

"Your name is Sebastian!" Kurt said, exasperated.

"No."

"WHAT THE _HELL_!" Kurt threw his hands in the air. "If you're drunk, I am _so_ not giving you a ride home!"

"The birds are Protestant." Sebastian said calmly, sitting down beside him. Kurt shrank away, but Sebastian was pinning his wrist to the seat.

"Fantastic. Let go of me." Kurt struggled to break Sebastian's iron grip.

"The birds are Protestant." Sebastian repeated soothingly, smiling as though he'd just said something very clever.

"I don't _care_!" Kurt yelled. "That's great for the birds!"

Sebastian nodded.

"I'm going to punch you if you don't let go." Kurt said angrily.

"If the birds were Catholic, they wouldn't be Protestant. Therefore, the birds must be Protestant and not Catholic." Sebastian said as though it explained everything.

"WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP!" Kurt screamed, his fist connecting with Sebastian's jaw. It hardly seemed to faze him, though, and his death grip didn't loosen one bit. "HELP!" he screamed. "I'M BEING HELD AGAINST MY WILL!"

Sebastian just sighed. "The birds are _Protestant_."

"But what if they weren't?" Kurt asked sourly, slumping over. He was pretty sure that Sebastian was drunk. ANd too strong for his own good.

"Not of your concern."

"Okay." Kurt said, frustrated. "Okay, I get it. The birds, whatever they are, are Protestant. Not Catholic. Protestant. And it's not of my concern. I get. I get it. Let go of me. Now."

"Even less of your concern than my real name."

"LET GO!"

"No."

"The birds aren't Protestant. So there. They're Catholic. CATHOLIC!" Kurt was so confused and overwhelmed that he had no idea what to do.

"The birds are Protestant." Sebastian said urgently.

"The birds aren't Protestant."

"The birds are Protestant."

"The birds aren't Protestant."

"The birds are –"

And Kurt finally tore himself free of the Warbler. He ran as fast as he could, never slowing down until he was sure that Sebastian was now far, far away.

The sun was going down. Kurt watched the crimson sky, and as he gazed above, a bird flew over his head.

"Protestant." Kurt said, and that was that.

* * *

A/N: Review. And if you have something stupid to say, I would really love to hear from you. And if you have nothing to say, you can put the ... but I really would like a review.

XD


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